I’d Rather Be Dead Than Single
Old San Juan, Puerto Rico '09
Well…that’s the common sentiment amongst women, isn’t it? In 11 years, I’ve had 3 boyfriends with very little dating in between. But I have a slew of friends that stay with a man. I have friends that I’ve known for over a decade who have never been single. Well, damn…can I know the secret??
The secret is some people are cracked out on “love”; I call them “relationship junkies.” They hop from person to person, sometimes having relationships that occur simultaneously. From the outside looking in, it seems like these relationships are filled with drama. Infidelity, insecurity, jealous confrontations, and what I like to call “checking” (of cell phones, emails, and FB/Twitter accounts.) Sure, you’re in love and the sex is great, but if lately your relationship has been characterized by arguing, invasion of privacy, verbal and sometimes physical abuse, you need to reassess your goals pronto! This should not be the norm. This is not what a relationship should be about.
If ever I should feel so inclined to check my man’s phone, then we have a problem. 1) If I find something inappropriate, then it’s a wrap, because there’s no relationship with no trust. 2) Even if I don’t find something, it’s still a wrap because if I’m “checking” then that means I didn’t trust him in the first place. Again, there’s no relationship with no trust. It can be worked out if both parties work really hard; but if there are continual transgressions, its time to cut the cord and let that baby go!
I’m single because it takes a lot to move me. If I’m calling you my man then that means I’m going to try to give it my all. Every dude can’t deserve my all. I can’t invite any old schmoe into my life, my heart, my body. I can’t introduce just any random I met on the club or in the street to my family and friends, and what if there were kids involved? Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to work to make it work? If you’re not ready to be faithful, then why make a half-hearted attempt at commitment? Why sabotage the relationship from the beginning by lying, cheating, and “checking” ?
Love yourself first. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin then you have no business trying to join somebody else’s program! Enjoy being alone for once. Take the time to heal and grow after the failure of yet another relationship. Don’t bring your fresh scars from an old relationship into the fresh start of a new one! Don’t allow yourself to be a toilet then get mad when you constantly get shitted on! If you’re spending most of the relationship “working things out,” then you need to work it out and scram that man!
Relationships should be fun. Your lover should be your best friend. Someone who knows you and respects you. There should be compromise and understanding, excitement and adventure! Relationships are about trust, love, and growth. And let’s not forget about the wild hot (public) sex. Your significant other should complement you, but not complete you. You should be complete as your own entity. Have your own identity.
I enjoy my own company, so though I’m single I’m not alone. There’s no real void to fill (aside from maybe a sexual one, let’s be honest here…we’re all adults), so being alone almost feels natural. If I meet a man and I don’t feel like I’m a better me when I’m with him, then I’m a better me without him!! THAT IS ALL!
May 21st, 2010 at 8:31 am
“Your significant other should complement you, but not complete you.”
Well said. LOL @ the rant on Twitter that inspired this!!!!
May 21st, 2010 at 9:17 am
“If I meet a man and I don’t feel like I’m a better me when I’m with him, then I’m a better me without him”
this blog post was amazing, enough to continue to have me coming back and return and stay here in your blog! Love it my love!
May 21st, 2010 at 11:16 am
What about chicks around you mess who with bums? Do you just write blogs and tell people indirectly or do you pull your sis to the side and say.. ‘dude is friggin bum & is shittin on YOU’ DO BETTA? Why do you support people around u getting shitted on – just to write blogs aobut how you don’t – does that makes sense. Fab, you gotta keep it 100. Get off that soapbox. WORD
May 21st, 2010 at 11:20 am
I’m wilding. MAD TYPOS
What about chicks around you..who mess with bums?
Do you JUST write blogs and talk indirectly or do you pull your sis to the side and say.. ‘dude is friggin bum and is shittin on YOU– DO BETTA’? Why do you support people around u getting shitted on – just to write blogs about how you don’t ??
does that makes sense?? Fab, you gotta keep it 100. Get off that soapbox.!!!!
May 22nd, 2010 at 11:58 am
Very well said.
“Relationship junkies”… I laugh at these fools. I always say: if you dont love you no one will love you
May 25th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
LOLOL….first of all, why does it always have to be rant? I’m not angry, just passionate. Very, very passionate! LMAOO…thanks for reading Kars! (Oh wait, you don’t have a choice b/c you were the one who said “You need to blog. Seriously. I’d read it everyday.”) This is your doing, so I’m counting on your continual viewership! LOL. Thanks for the support hun! *
May 25th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Thank you Suzz!! I feel like we’re on the same page a lot, especially when it comes to things like this. Our opinion is not the norm so you don’t usually hear this perspective. And when you do hear it, it’s sugarcoated. It might sound harsh but that’s the truth. Thanks for your support. You’re truly inspiring as well, so hopefully our creative minds will finally meet one day! Please keep reading…it only gets better from here, mi amor!
May 25th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Hey. Thank you for this comment. Seriously! When my close friends are in a messed up relationship, I do let them know that they can do better. If they ask my opinion, then I give it to them honestly. But in my experience, some people don’t like to hear the truth about their relationships so they don’t ask. And even when I have told them, I have NEVER had one actually take heed to my advice. They end up learning the long and hard way (like most of us often do), and then they come crying to me again. I am always there for my friends, especially if its not a pattern for them to be in a destructive relationship. But I have other friends that are constantly in unhealthy and drama filled relationships. When it happens continually, I am less sympathetic and less inclined to give my opinion. In fact, my friends usually don’t ask my opinion any more because I told them the same shit in the last 4 relationships.
This blog wasn’t directed to any of my friends. In fact, when I had a friend read it aloud after I had posted this I realized it sounded very preachy. That’s not how I intended it to come off at all. I really wanted to address the fact that people always make it seem like all women wish to be in a relationship. A lot of times when people hear about women being single, they say “Oh, you’ll find someone. Don’t worry.” Being single is like a badge of shame for women and people assume that women are always single by circumstance and never by choice. Really that’s the perspective I wanted to share, but I completely projected lol. Realize that now…duly noted. Shit, I don’t know it all and these are just my thoughts…not facts.
Thanks for your feedback and I hope you continue to read!